Overheard on the Hill: Homecoming Edition

I haven’t done one of these in a while, but I also haven’t written in a while either so I don’t even care that I’m not posting this on a Monday. Naturally, I came home from Cornell with quite the handful of quotes from my friends. I wouldn’t expect anything less.

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“The little Indian boy was my spirit animal.”

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“It’s like a giant ball of cancer.”

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If only the weather had been this nice last weekend...

If only the weather had been this nice last weekend…

“I was scared of croutons my entire life.”

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“I have to pee so badly I definitely cannot give birth now.”

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“Stop farting on me!”

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“I accidentally took my shoes off.”

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“I just stopped and puked and kept going.”

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“I always scare her with my stinky farts.”

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“I’m sweaty and I can feel the fart cloud around me.”

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“What if farts were a color?!”

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“It’s like poop, but sandy. Sandy poop!”

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“Why did you drink her weed??”

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Clearly, my teammates/friends have some issues and obsession with bowel movements. But that’s why I love them and miss them so much! I can’t wait til next year!

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Home Sweet Homecoming

So I know that after my last post I said I would be back for good, but things got a little crazy. I apologize!

This time, though, I AM back. You might not believe me and if you don’t, then you don’t–but I’ll prove you wrong. This post is dedicated to last weekend. The best weekend I’ve had in a while.

Because I’ve ben so MIA with writing and posting this blog, you guys probably don’t know that I graduated! That’s right, on May 25, 2014, I officially graduated from Cornell University! The amount of tears that I shed is unreal because I really do consider Ithaca to be a second home, but all good things must come to an end, right?

One of the best parts about graduating, though, is that you get to go back for HOMECOMING. One weekend in the fall where you get incredibly drunk and relive your college years (not that I haven’t occasionally done that anyway) and it is 100% acceptable to do so. Let’s just say this weekend didn’t disappoint.

Besides the copious amounts of alcohol I consumed and the ridiculous hangovers I had (I can’t drink like I used to. But I’m also not drinking 5 out of 7 days a week anymore so there’s that), I got to spend time with my best friends. I haven’t seen some of these people in months and it was so much fun to reminisce and laugh and enjoy each others’ company. I missed my friends, I missed my teammates, I missed everything about Ithaca.

This brings me to the FOOD. Oh my god the food. I got to eat at my favorite locations and it was magnificent. Never have I been so happy to eat a burger in my entire life (and I get pretty damn happy when I get to eat a burger). This thing had pulled pork AND an onion ring on top while slathered in cheese and BBQ sauce. Holy. Crap. P.S. guys, if you’re every in or around Ithaca, go to the Ithaca Alehouse. It’s amazing. My favorite restaurant. You won’t be disappointed, I promise.

Some of the other things I did? Well, I watched our football team lose (no surprise there), I got emotionally invested in season 4 of Grey’s Anatomy and now I have to watch the series on Netflix thanks to my teammates, and I frolicked across Cornell’s campus. I also went to the famous Dairy Bar–Cornell’s very own dairy where you can buy the most delicious ice cream you’ve ever tasted. I’m serious. This shit can only be sold on Cornell’s campus because it isn’t FDA approved. Why? Because the fat content is so high. But that’s also why it’s so delicious! The weather was a bit damp and chilly, but Ithaca must have known we were coming back and wanted us to feel welcome because, ya know, there are only about 9 nice days there all year.

I didn’t want to leave my friends or my second home, but come Sunday night, I knew it was time. I was upset and yes, I cried in my car on the drive back to Philadelphia. But ya know what? My four years are up and I wouldn’t trade them for anything in the world, but everything must end.

Plus it helps that Cornell is only four hours away and I can visit any time I please. :)

 

IMG_2584

 


Overheard on the Hill: Ke$ha and… just Ke$ha

My Overheard post is coming to you on Tuesday because… Ke$ha. Ke$ha came to Cornell and performed on Sunday, and let’s just say that the concert did me dirty. Yesterday was an all around struggle to get to campus. To walk. To breathe. To live. But was it worth it? Helllll yes. I had so much fun. Except now it’s two days later and I’m still finding glitter on me…

kesha

“I was watching TV with my landlady’s 16 year old daughter…”

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“They were canoodling in Wegman’s.”

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“My brain hurts.”

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“I just got elbowed in the dome.”

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“I’m roofie-ing you with popcorn.”

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“I want to shove my nostrils through my eyes and puke them out of my lungs.”

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“He’s a freshman. He’s a loser.”

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“You smell pukey.”

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“You’re gonna instagram the shit outta this.”

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“Cows be cray.”

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“It looks like flowers and dirt.”

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“It’s like negative butt.”

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“I accepted all of your kisses.”

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“I have amazing nipples.”

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“If you were a superhero, I’d call you Catwoman. Hssssss.”

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“You don’t fight in a toga.”

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“After you, Mr. Tinted Windows.”

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“She would talk to a brick wall.”

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“Cheers to salsa.”

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“I can feel the alcohol sloshing around in my stomach.”

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“I might look like a hooker but I like it.”

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“Look, I’m making a Ke$ha angel.”

 


Everyday decisions are TOUGH.

anigif_enhanced-buzz-4553-1377182401-6

This. Just… this. I don’t think I could have put it better myself. I know I’ve been posting a lot of links lately, but I couldn’t NOT post this one. It perfectly describes my life–or college at least. I’ll just let you see for yourself.

27 Everyday Decisions That Twentysomethings Are Really Bad At Making.


Overheard on the Hill: Bad Decisions Wednesdays and Free Calories

Just a heads up, this weeks quotes aren’t the best. Don’t get me wrong, there are quite a few gems in there, but there also aren’t as many quotes in terms of numbers. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that my roomie was away at Nerd Camp all week and I was left all alone! Ack.

“I do squats with scuba tanks. I bench press scuba tanks. I miss Friedman Center. Tell the platforms I say hi!”

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“Pizza dough won’t judge me.”

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“My back is a waterfall.”

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“Admiral Nelson’s… Captain Morgan’s retarded cousin.”

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“‘Bad Decisions Wednesday” can’t lead to ‘Let’s Get Fired Thursday.'”

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“If they look weird, don’t linger.”

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“I have rules for calories. If it’s free, it doesn’t count. If you’re drunk, it doesn’t count. If you eat it standing up, then it’s only a snack!”

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“I look like a fat turtle.”

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“I always struggle with my butthole.”

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“You’re so mean to my arms.”

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“I was older than you before you were born.”

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“You just touched fart by the way.”

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“My life is a country song.”

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“I can be blacker than you if you just taught me.”

What happened? Though I can't help but love her new song...

What happened? Though I can’t help but love her new song…

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“OH SHIT, Miley Cyrus!”

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“He was a sketchy ass.”

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“I don’t have anymore drugs.”

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“I’m number 80 on the field, but number one in your heart.”

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“I used to fuck gay, but not anymore.”

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“I’m drowning in fabric.”

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I wish it did say waffle fries. NOM.

I wish it did say waffle fries. NOM.

“It’s like an airplane roller coaster in the sky.”

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“That says ‘mufflers and pipes’ and I thought it said ‘waffle fries.”

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“Happiness is a taco in your hand at one in the morning.”


Overheard on the Hill: Frank Sinatra and Dying Naked

Another Monday means another slew of quotes from my crazy college friends. So far I’ve been loving my time in Ithaca and I’m not regretting my decision to stay here at all–it’s one of the best I’ve made! But let’s cut to the chase, shall we? Enjoy!

Ouch

Ouch

“I sprayed my sister in the eyes with Lysol once.”

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“Sometimes people have asses that count for two people.”

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“We’re not dogs, what the fuck?”

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“You all have penises and can pee into things…”

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“I want to start a fight!”

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“Did you have sex with Gulliver’s Travels…?”

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“I want to smoke drugs.”

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“Cops don’t have dick on us.”

“…I have a cop dick on my shoulder right now.”

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About Alan Thick, “He’s like the Frank Sinatra of Canada.”

Why do my friends talk about Canada all the time?

Why do my friends talk about Canada all the time?

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“Bananas fart on cannolis. It’s an epidemic.”

“No, you mean it’s a pandemic.”

“…only at Cornell.”

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“You ass goblin!”

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“Yes, I AM going to insult your chode.”

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“If I didn’t die naked, I’d be upset with the end of my life.”

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“I condition my beard.”

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“Stop! There are witnesses!”

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“I got 99 problems and all of them are alcohol proof numbaaaas.”

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On Kool-Aid, “I need more crack juice.”

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“It’s a beautiful shithole.”

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“This is making me uncomfortable. Talking about breaking into shitholes…”

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“I annihilated a chipmunk the other day.”

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“Thank god that guy with no teeth was there.”

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“Take that bra off you car.”

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“Is that lady dead?”

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“They fell asleep with his hand down her bra and then she threw up on him.”

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“What the fucking fuck fuck.”

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“Last night I fell asleep peeing out my window.”

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“I only hate dumb bitches.”

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“You didn’t have a problem cramping my style when I was naked.”

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“It’s an adventure… no two vaginas are the same.”

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“She’s so picky with her balls.”


Overheard on the Hill: Fourth of July Edition

I’m not quite sure what it is, but Independence Day must bring out the best–or weird–in people. The quotes range from patriotism to I don’t even know what. Instead of trying to explain further, I’ll let you just read them for yourself.

“As I used to say in college, ‘still works!”

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“Apparently they’re like the rednecks of China.”

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“We’ve always got food to fall back on.”

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“If you don’t have sex on the Fourth of July it’s unpatriotic.”

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“It’s a space tiger!”

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“We didn’t sleep in Canada.”

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“Suck it up for America.”

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About texting a lot of girls one night, “You gotta cast a wide net if you want to catch a lot of fish.”

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“A forest grew on my face overnight.”

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On the Fourth when the American Flag fell down, “FREEDOM DOWN!”

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“They just re-did the roof, right? Made it sex proof?”

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“America made me push through my hangover.”

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“Preferably when you’re snoring on his penis.”

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“I don’t want to get arrested for the second time today…”

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“America just said ‘fuck you’ okay?”

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“Consuming calories for America.”

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“There was legit an insect in my bra and it bit my tit.”

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“I want to sparkle now.”

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“It’s like America slapped you across the face.”

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“He was fucking himself in the mirror.”

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“You know what would be good right now? Corndog, air conditioning, sex. In that order.”

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“I heard he has a small penis so I’ll let him motorboat me if he wants.”

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“I’m so drunk but so alert.”

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“I’m floating on a cloud.”

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“Townies scare me.”

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“Hey I’m black, I know my people.”

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“I have a broken jukebox in my throat and it only comes out when I’m drunk.”

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“She’s an interesting specimen. I want to study her.”

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“Sunscreen is for non-Mexicans.”

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“It’s like a penis except you have to bite it.”

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“I swear on my nutsack!”

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“It smells like pee-throw up-ass monkey.”

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“At home my laziness gets in the way of me smoking cigarettes.”

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“It sounds like electric sex.”

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“It’s the diaphragm, that’s your problem!”

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“Toilet paper, fuck yeah!”

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“He’s Can-Asian. A Canadian Asian.”

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“Maybe if you’d brush your hair, boys would like you.”

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“You know what I find hard to believe? That pickles are cucumbers.”

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“Imagine how much drama there would be in a 100% gay fraternity…”

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You go girl!

You go girl!

“I just love potato products.”

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“I’m going to Little Mermaid the shit out of this rock.”

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“But the spoons make it violent!”

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“There should be less fireworks and more giant flame balls in the sky.”

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Welp… it certainly was an interesting week.


161 Things #8: Streak Across the Arts Quad

Happy Fourth of July! Okay, it’s no longer the fourth but it’s close enough. Every day should be Independence Day, right? And what better way to celebrate than with copious amounts of alcohol. Drinking for ‘MERICA.

#baddecisionswednesday

#baddecisionswednesday

My Independence Day shenanigans got underway on Wednesday night when my roommate and I were pressed for time and decided it was a good a idea to line up a bunch of shot glasses and rip four shots back to back to back to back and then leave. I have never gotten so drunk so quickly before in my life. Once my roommate (who for the sake of this article I will call Annie) and I reached our friends’ house, our bad decisions were quickly met with another one–let’s take America shots! YES! What a great idea!

Let me back up a second though to explain something. From the first Wednesday night I’ve spend in Ithaca this summer, my friends and I have deemed Wednesdays to be “Bad Decisions Wednesdays” (or #baddecisionswednesdays if you will). So let’s just say that Wednesdays are usually an interesting night up here on the hill.

Grenadine + Blue Curacao + Vodka = one patriotic shot

Grenadine + Blue Curacao + Vodka = one patriotic shot

But I digress. So we’re taking shots and playing Kings and basically just ringing in the Fourth of July in a good old American manner. Finally we decide it’s a good idea to leave my friends air conditioned room (which is never a good idea. Air conditioning is like the laughter of Jesus) and go to our favorite local dive bar in Collegetown, Dunbar’s. This bar has been around for decades–no really, I was talking to someone during reunion weekend who loved going there in the 80s–and proof of that is from the walls covered in written names and quotes that are dated with graduation years. Oh, and the jukebox music. That thing hasn’t been updated since I’ve come to Cornell. Wait…what? I just turned 21 and wouldn’t know what Dunbar’s was like my freshman year? …uh, duh, you’re right. Yikes.

I”m going to spare you the details, for both yours and Annie’s sakes, but, basically, what had potential to be an amazing night ended in a bust and the end kinda sucked. I’m standing there with Annie, thinking “I want to do something crazy,” and when I say thinking I mean that I was drunk and I actually said it, only for her to look at me like I was crazy. But then I said, “Let’s streak across the Arts Quad! 161 Things, right??” to which she immediately agreed and we started trekking all the way to the clocktower.

On the way there, Annie starts to get nervous. Especially when two pretty intoxicated people are walking up Ho Plaza (yes, it is actually called Ho Plaza) to get to the Arts Quad only to pass two Cornell policemen writing tickets to a group of students. Actually though, I think that was the reason we were able to get away with it–the cops were distracted so we could shed our skivvies and streak across the quad in what was quite possible one of the most freeing experiences ever. So we dropped our drawers, took off our shoes, picked them up, and sprinted across the quad to Goldwin Smith Hall, the only building on campus open 24 hours.

After fits on fits on fits of laughter finally subsided (oh, and after we put our clothes back on), we headed home, not a cop in sight, with yet another of the 161 things checked off.


161 Things #31: Spend a Summer in Ithaca

I’ve been putting off writing this post for a while until it was official–but I’m staying the summer here in Ithaca! (Even though I’m writing this post from home currently, oops). The most important thing about this decision though, is that it was my last chance to accomplish this item on the list of 161 things to do at Cornell before you graduate. Because I’m going to be a senior. What. The. Fuck. I don’t like this… I’m almost a real person.

I really didn’t decide to spend the summer in Ithaca until about… March? I don’t really know what spurred the decision, to be honest. I knew a lot of my friends were staying, and I had heard great things from my friends that stayed last summer, so I figured why not. Oh, and I couldn’t find a subletter. So why pay rent and not live there? Okay, well, my parents would be paying the rent, but it’s still the same idea.

Hail, all hail, Cornell!

Hail, all hail, Cornell!

I was pretty much gung ho about this decision as soon as a I thought about this. I mean, what could be better? It’s summer (the only nice time of the year for Ithaca), I’m away from home with no rules, a ton of my closest friends will be there with me, an I can drink and party when ever I want. And it’s always acceptable to drink in the summer.

Despite my excitement, my parents weren’t nearly as thrilled as I was. But after A LOT of convincing, they finally agreed to let me stay–as long as I got a job. Which I did… eventually. Not my proudest moment, but I am one of the newest employees of RPCC’s dining hall! Woo! The only reason I would work in the dining hall is because it’s the summer and I don’t have to worry about seeing anyone I know, just little sticker---Ithaca-Is-Gorges__mcampers all day.

Anyway, I’m ready for the best summer of my life (and so far it’s been better than my other summers BY FAR) and there will be more than plenty of stories for you to hear about. I’m ready for my last gorges summer where I can be crazy–and more importantly, not yet a real person.

#ithacasummer


Overheard on the Hill: Senior Week Edition

Okay, so I’m trying something new today… posting from my iPhone! This is only because I spent all day moving yesterday and my new apartment doesn’t have Internet yet so I’m kinda cut off from the world. So let’s see how it goes, huh? Here are the best quotes from the week before graduation–senior week. (I’m also sorry for the lack of pictures, I don’t know how to do that on here).

“If I could smile weed it would be great.”

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“My boob just fell out of my bra.”

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“You know what’s weird? When moms eat their babies.”

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“If black people fuck with you, that’s a good sign. They’re so cool.”

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“It’s less aggressive if you say betch.”

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“Clan is actually spelled with a C unless you’re really racist.”

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About ring pops, “This is like the best chaser!”

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“You should play shot fairy again! It was magestical.”

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“Life is about retarded shit.”

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“Mickey says get fucked up.”

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“It’s always worse when you encounter a bug naked.”

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“I have so much cash on me right now I feel like a drug lord.”

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“This is how porn starts guys.”

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“Who’s ready to poop gold?”

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“Monogamy is not my forte.”

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“You could suck on these like lollipops.”

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“The theme of the night is be as slutty as you can.”

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“I’m gonna do something stupid tonight.”

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“I took Ritalin and cleaned the whole apartment.”

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“Everybody watch out I’m the shot fairy.”

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“We’ll drug you.”

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“My grandma wouldn’t let us play games on Sunday so we played red light green light but named it Jesus Devil. And we played it stationary. On our butts.”

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“I’m inserting myself right now.”

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“Powerade is like Gatorades incestual cousin.”

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“I get bitches in trouble cause I’m too bad.”

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“My room is a fortress. I’m the only one who can find shit. I can’t even find shit in there.”

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“It’s so weird. There’s so much shit I can’t remember.”

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“Is that a midget?! I just got really excited.”

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“I’m not into architecting but I am into lighter fluid.”

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“I ate dirt as a child and I have a high immune system. I think that’s why.”

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“You have marshmallow on your tit right now.”

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“It’s not a walk of shame, it’s a stride of pride.”