Overheard on the Hill: Homecoming Edition

I haven’t done one of these in a while, but I also haven’t written in a while either so I don’t even care that I’m not posting this on a Monday. Naturally, I came home from Cornell with quite the handful of quotes from my friends. I wouldn’t expect anything less.

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“The little Indian boy was my spirit animal.”

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“It’s like a giant ball of cancer.”

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If only the weather had been this nice last weekend...

If only the weather had been this nice last weekend…

“I was scared of croutons my entire life.”

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“I have to pee so badly I definitely cannot give birth now.”

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“Stop farting on me!”

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“I accidentally took my shoes off.”

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“I just stopped and puked and kept going.”

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“I always scare her with my stinky farts.”

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“I’m sweaty and I can feel the fart cloud around me.”

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“What if farts were a color?!”

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“It’s like poop, but sandy. Sandy poop!”

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“Why did you drink her weed??”

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Clearly, my teammates/friends have some issues and obsession with bowel movements. But that’s why I love them and miss them so much! I can’t wait til next year!

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Overheard on the Hill: Sexy Chins and Lacy Offerings

And so the overheard posts continue. This week is pretty good if you ask me. Lot’s of randomness and just odd thoughts. I don’t quite understand how people’s brains work sometimes. But that’s what makes these posts so great.

“My thongs is doing that thing where it hurts my butt.”

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“That’s bobo.”

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“You have the sexiest chin in college sports.” This was actually said to me one night. I’m not necessarily sure how to interpret this. Compliment or no?

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“It’s like a land gondola.”

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“I wish I had a lacy offering for you.”

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“This is the prettiest oven mitt I’ve ever seen. Isn’t it just beautiful?”

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“Wanna know how many gremlins (referring to girls) I hooked up with this year?” This is one of the most messed up things I’ve heard.

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“All of our balls are odd.”

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Pizza places should be awake 100% of the time.

Pizza places should be awake 100% of the time.

“Is that the one you bought from the homeless man outside the Eagles game?”

“He wasn’t homeless, he was just a nice young crackhead.”

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“Is the pizza place awake right now?”

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“My children are going to bow down to the queen.”


Overheard on the Hill: Salad Intimacy and The Bachelor

I’m sitting at the kitchen table with my mom, fawning over Juan Pablo on The Bachelor, when she aptly reminded me that I haven’t posted an overheard post in quite some time! That and I had promised a little over a week ago that I would get better at posting. Oops. Good thing I had some quotes ready for today though. PS, for anyone who wants to know, I’d love Juan Pablo as my 22nd birthday present… please and thank you.

Yummmmmm

Yummmmmm

“I hope my green beans make you happy”

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“Just because you touch his dick, doesn’t mean you’re married for the rest of your life.”

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“Wanna take a shot out of my boobs?”

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“Like you’re birthing a child with your heel.”

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“Why are there bananas on the floor?”

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“That’s not my ID… that’s a Buffalo Wild Wings gift card.”

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“Wait those gloves are so great because yo have full access to all your digits.”

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“What is it with guys and arts and crafts for their dick?”

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“I’m about to have an inmate moment with my salad.”


A Week Without an Overheard

Devastating! What a travesty! I’m sure that you’ve noticed that there was NOT an Overheard on the Hill post yesterday. But you probably thought, “Oh, she’ll just post it tomorrow!” Unfortunately, there will not be an Overheard this week. :(

It has to do with a lot of factors. One being that this week garnered a measly five quotes. FIVE. My friends are usually good for at least 10 in a week. In their defense, it is prelim season so we’ve all been holed up tumblr_ml21srIBL11r317bvo1_400in libraries deprived of sunlight to study. Yeah… that’s not fun.

The other reason is that shit hit the fan that was my life. Starting Friday at midnight, for a solid 36+ hours, I was accused of lying, betrayed, became injured and just all-around had what was probably one of the worst few days of my life. Trust me, there will be more on this later. Most likely an angry rant to vent my frustrations on drama that I should have left behind in high school ages ago. But sometimes that’s what you’ve gotta do, ya know? I’ll sum it up in one word–girls.

Here’s hoping that next Monday will have a plethora of new quotes! As well as a better week in store for me.


Overheard on the Hill: Ke$ha and… just Ke$ha

My Overheard post is coming to you on Tuesday because… Ke$ha. Ke$ha came to Cornell and performed on Sunday, and let’s just say that the concert did me dirty. Yesterday was an all around struggle to get to campus. To walk. To breathe. To live. But was it worth it? Helllll yes. I had so much fun. Except now it’s two days later and I’m still finding glitter on me…

kesha

“I was watching TV with my landlady’s 16 year old daughter…”

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“They were canoodling in Wegman’s.”

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“My brain hurts.”

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“I just got elbowed in the dome.”

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“I’m roofie-ing you with popcorn.”

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“I want to shove my nostrils through my eyes and puke them out of my lungs.”

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“He’s a freshman. He’s a loser.”

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“You smell pukey.”

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“You’re gonna instagram the shit outta this.”

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“Cows be cray.”

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“It looks like flowers and dirt.”

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“It’s like negative butt.”

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“I accepted all of your kisses.”

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“I have amazing nipples.”

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“If you were a superhero, I’d call you Catwoman. Hssssss.”

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“You don’t fight in a toga.”

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“After you, Mr. Tinted Windows.”

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“She would talk to a brick wall.”

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“Cheers to salsa.”

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“I can feel the alcohol sloshing around in my stomach.”

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“I might look like a hooker but I like it.”

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“Look, I’m making a Ke$ha angel.”

 


Overheard on the Hill: Beer Hugs and Pissing Rain

Wow, look at me go! Two posts in one day! Amazing. Again, I am avoiding doing work at all costs. But because I’ve already posted today, I don’t have muuuuch more to say… except, enjoy!

“Well you have an affinity for your butt so…”

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“She has an ego as big as Zimbabwe.”

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“Control your snot.”

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“It gets so thick to the point where you think you’re gonna blow a bubble.”

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“That’s not a bear hug, that’s a beer hug.”

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“This is literally the longest public pee I’ve ever taken in my life.”

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“It was pissing with rain.”

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“I looked like a sardine on the floor.”

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“Sometimes spearmint makes me gag.”

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“That hurts my soul.”

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“My ears are dehydrated.”

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“I thought I found a potato but it was just a mushroom.”

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“I’m not a fan of his face.”

Well, I mean, look at that bod. Damn.

Well, I mean, look at that bod. Damn.


Overheard on the Hill: Thick Meat and Buttery Nipples

Finally! A post that’s on time! Woah. Stepping up my game. Especially now that classes are in full swing–instead of paying attention in class I’ll be writing more blog posts! Yay! (Kind of like I’m doing right now)

“Ugh, I hate when my meat is thick.”

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“There was point in time when I didn’t believe in Dover, Delaware.”

Are you sure? Because it's right there.

Are you sure? Because it’s right there.

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“Sometimes I think I’m allergic to beer.”

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“I got a Jewish high holiday inside me so I’m good.”

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“Remember that time he thought it was an earthquake but it was just me?”

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“I’m offended that you’re offended.”

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“You just ball-tapped me!”

“It was a free vasectomy, take it.”

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“His balls are recovering.”

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“My nipples are so buttery.”

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“I don’t wanna know about your bowel movements.”

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“It must e hard to buy watches if you’re obese.”

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“The key to a successful life is vitamins and positivity.”

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“I don’t get Jews.”

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“I can’t tell if my stomach gurgled or my phone went off.”

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“We went to the white trash party alone.”

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“There’s too many ratchets here.”


Overheard on the Hill: Labor Day and Doppelgangers

Yet again, I am posting late because Labor Day weekend proved to be rough. Between starting practice, trying to get enough sleep, and still trying to go out, things got a little hectic. From lots of sweat to eyeballs to doppelgangers (fun fact–apparently mine is Christina Appelgate… I was told that this week), the first week of classes sure did prove to be interesting.

“For every person in Iowa there’s a doppelganger in Idaho who loves potatoes instead of corn.”

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“My hair gel is in my eyeballs right now.”

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“There is rain dripping down my buttcrack.”

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“You can’t tell me that’s a service bird.”

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“I feel so full of chlorophyll.”

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“Isn’t chlorophyll, like, sun?”

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Well that looks painful.

Well that looks painful.

“Bellybuttons are my worst fear.”

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“I would rather slide naked down a cactus. Just give me a saguaro and watch me go.”

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“You’re sweating from your eyeballs.”

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“My asshole is sweaty and I don’t like it.”

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“Tequila happens sometimes.”

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“My insides feel warm.”

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“You’re hitting arteries!!”

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“You keep the balls in your hand and then you put them where you want them.”


Overheard on the Hill: O-Week Edition

I’m going to admit it–O-Week got the best of me. O-Week, or Orientation Week, begins the Friday before classes start when all of the freshman move to campus. Basically, it’s 5 nights of going out and partying. For me though, O-Week started last Sunday. It’s been rough and it explains why I’m writing the post I usually write on Mondays on a Thursday. I’ve been dead. Drinking and eating and sleeping, that’s pretty much it. I took off the night before classes on Tuesday, but I was back at it again last night and will be again tonight. On the bright side, with the return of hoards of students to campus, I have a TON of amazing, hysterical quotes! Happy O-Week!

“Make me get drunk and yell at Japan tonight.”

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“I feel guilty showering.”

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“It tastes like a hangover waiting to happen.”

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“I feel you hearing me.”

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“I have the metabolism of a donkey.”

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“They bonded over booze.”

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“I’m going to chase my shower with some Jergen’s lotion.”

Oh dear.

Oh dear.

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“Miley Cyrus is my spirit animal!”

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“I guess we’re drinking Mother Earth today.”

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“It’s like ballsack on ballsack.”

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“My butt is drippy today.”

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“Do you ever feel like you’re in Forrest Gump the movie?

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“If a fox and a wolf had sex on top of a unicorn, that would be my spirit animal.”

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“Have you ever felt like an Irish mobster?”

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“Teagles are like heaven in my crotch.”

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“He’s literally like an innocent little tortoise.”

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“I don’t believe that women should have to wear closed two shoes AND a bra. One of them has to be free.”

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About a bra, “You could eat out of that thing it’s so big!”

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“Give me black people music.”

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“Bruises, so, do they like hurt?”

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“Gelato comes from bulls and ice cream comes from cows.”

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“Lean on your fellow tater tot…”

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“It’s like puberty round dos.”

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“I had tequila for dinner.”

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“I know we didn’t have sex because my pants were still on.”


Overheard on the Hill: Wheelbarrows full of Cheese Fries and Jumping out of Planes

The week that brought me over 100 followers was not the most fruitful in terms of gathering quotes. The ones I have are funny, but I’m just talking numbers here. Luckily, many people are beginning to reappear on campus (I’m not sure I’m ready for the masses to arrive yet–summer here has been perfect!), and with their reappearance and the beginning of the semester right around the corner, I’m sure my numbers will rise a shit ton. Until then, enjoy!

“Ugh, the CIA keeps calling me.”

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“I liked water polo until my horse drowned…”

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“Was that the firefighter that started the fires?”

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“The only plane I’ve ever flown in was the one I jumped out of.”

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“It cradles my butt perfectly.”

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“It’s the Bermuda Triangle of shits.”

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“I was scared of ET.”

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“It’s a wheelbarrow full of cheese fries.”

Believe it or not, there was not an image anywhere on the Internet of a wheelbarrow full of cheese fries.

Believe it or not, there was not an image anywhere on the Internet of a wheelbarrow full of cheese fries.

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“It’s like you have a clone in disguise.”

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“Son of a motherless goat!”

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“Are you gonna put my skull back together?

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“Every time I suffocate the bitch, she wakes up…”