I’m sure you guys remember my rant a few months ago about some issues I was having at school. I needed to get a lot off my chest or else it would have all built up and things would have gotten worse.
Anyway, a few weeks ago, I sent an email to the roommate in question apologizing for my actions senior year and also mentioning that I think we both kind of screwed up. I told her that if she didn’t respond that I would completely understand. She never wrote back. I don’t know if it was because she didn’t want to or if it was because she never got the email (I sent it to her Cornell email and I don’t know if she still uses it). Either way, maybe it will be seen if I put it on my blog. If she doesn’t see it, that’s fine. I want you guys to see it too.
“Why did you bother?” I’m sure you guys are asking. “Things seemed pretty bad and irreparable.”
Why? Because as damaged as our friendship might be, I had to try. I don’t want to look back years from now wishing that I had reached out and at least apologized. I don’t want this to be one of my big regrets in life–at least I know that I reached out and at least attempted to fix something, even if it was something that couldn’t be fixed.
So, here goes nothing.
* * * * * * * * * *
Fall semester started it all and that I know I was rude, didn’t communicate well, and–let’s be honest–I was a pretty crappy friend in general. I’m sorry. That was a really bad time for me. I was being thrown into the middle of drama that didn’t involve me and I was losing friends left and right. I realize now that had I just talked to you about some things, it might have (and probably would have) played out differently. I wasn’t your best friend. I wasn’t even a good friend, period.
Things spiraled out of control and we both let the most trivial of things affect our friendship as the semester went on and winter break passed. I know that I’m not completely innocent in this whole situation, something that I’ve reflected on for a while now actually. I think we were both at fault and we let the situation get out of hand. For me, at least–I don’t know about you–I let things stew under the surface instead of talking about it. I think that if we had just communicated better, we could have nipped it in the bud and much of this could have been avoided.
It might be too late for an apology and for me to send you this, but I’ve been thinking about it for a long time. I wanted to get this all off my chest and I thought that you should know how I feel, even if is three months after graduation and nearly a year after everything started.
I hope that nothing I said in this email offended you–that was absolutely not my intention. I’m just trying to get down exactly how I feel and I might not have worded certain things well.
Hell, you might not even still use Cmail, but I figured I would give it a shot since it’s probably the best method to get in touch. If you don’t respond, I’ll understand. You should know that I’ve been thinking about everything that’s happened over the past year and that I am truly, deeply sorry. I’ve thought of everything I could have done in the past year to change the outcome and I’m wishing I had made a change, done something about it. Like I said, we were the best of friends and it got away from us.
I hope that everything is going well for you.
This post is a long time coming… I checked climbing to the top of the clocktower off 161 Things at the end of September. (And conveniently went on a blogging hiatus in the beginning of October. Coincidence?)
A few of my teammates and I had just got done with class and had a little bit of free time before any of us had anything else to do. We were walking across the Arts Quad toward the clocktower, none of us had climbed it yet, so we figured what the hell. Backpacks and all, we marched to the top.
I will say that the one mistake we did make was climbing to the top in the middle of a chimes concert. Having I Can Go the Distance from Disney’s Hercules blaring in my ears wasn’t necessarily the most pleasant thing. But let me tell you, the view was magnificent.
Despite the unseasonably hot weather we were having in Ithaca at the time and the sweat that was dripping down my back by the time we reached the top, the view was worth it. Definitely all it was cracked up to be. …it also helped that it was an absolutely gorges (Ha! Punny!) day in Ithaca.
I stood there in awe, looking at Cornell from a fresh new perspective. It was breathtaking–the bright blue of the sky contrasted with the blue of Cayuga Lake, the green of campus, all of the students… amazing. I’ll let you be the judge.
Looking at Sage Hall
I will definitely be visiting again before graduation this May.
Devastating! What a travesty! I’m sure that you’ve noticed that there was NOT an Overheard on the Hill post yesterday. But you probably thought, “Oh, she’ll just post it tomorrow!” Unfortunately, there will not be an Overheard this week. :(
It has to do with a lot of factors. One being that this week garnered a measly five quotes. FIVE. My friends are usually good for at least 10 in a week. In their defense, it is prelim season so we’ve all been holed up in libraries deprived of sunlight to study. Yeah… that’s not fun.
The other reason is that shit hit the fan that was my life. Starting Friday at midnight, for a solid 36+ hours, I was accused of lying, betrayed, became injured and just all-around had what was probably one of the worst few days of my life. Trust me, there will be more on this later. Most likely an angry rant to vent my frustrations on drama that I should have left behind in high school ages ago. But sometimes that’s what you’ve gotta do, ya know? I’ll sum it up in one word–girls.
Here’s hoping that next Monday will have a plethora of new quotes! As well as a better week in store for me.
Homecoming this past weekend brought hoards of alumni back to the hill, as well as missed friends, teammates, and an atmosphere of school spirit (when does THAT ever happen at Cornell? JK it still didn’t this year. We’re terrible students). It also brought a torrential downpour during the homecoming game against Bucknell. Despite the weather, we still won! 1-0! Let’s see if the Big Red can get a winning season for once… Wow, I’m being harsh. Oh well. Enjoy all the quotes from my crazy ex-teammates as well as the ones I see every day. You won’t be disappointed.
“Where’s my creepy soap?
“What’s the point of being a nerd if you can’t tell the world about it?”
About hockey, “It’s a communist sport. I can’t take it.”
“He just got nailed in the balls by Jesus.”
“Slow it down, cotton ball!”
“Yeah, my nipples have been really hard lately.”
“Keep taking shots until it’s less awkward.”
“If you show up on time and you’re a rapper, you’re doing it wrong.”
“You can’t do it until the beat drops.”
“Luckily I found my way to you motherfuckers.”
“It’s like Niagara Falls down my cleavage.”
“There will be tears coming out of my face.”
“Hop off my weenis.”
“Is it infringing on your butt?”
“I may have just let in a predator.”
“Remember the hours after September 11th when we came together as one to answer the attack against our homeland. We drew strength when our firefighters ran upstairs and risked their lives so that others might live; when rescuers rushed into smoke and fire at the Pentagon; when the men and women of Flight 93 sacrificed themselves to save our nation’s Capitol; when flags were hanging from front porches all across America, and strangers became friends. It was the worst day we have ever seen, but it brought out the best in all of us.” – Senator John Kerry
Twelve years ago today, I sat in my fourth grade classroom, learning math when my school principal came on the loudspeaker, “Attention all faculty and students–there has been an attack on the World Trade Center in New York City. An airplane has flown directly into the North Tower. Approximately 15 minutes later, another aircraft flew into the South Tower.” The announcement continued to discuss the events that had taken place on that fateful September 11th, 2001. Those might not have been the exact words, but hey, I was 9 years old, I don’t remember verbatim.
What I do remember though, is being terrified. I remember exactly where I was sitting in my class room. I remember who I was sitting next to. I remember hundreds children being picked up from school, wondering if I would be next. I remember sitting in a group of friends at recess with some friends, trying to make heads or tails of this situation as a young fourth grader. I remember meeting my parents after school. I remember seeing horrifying images of planes crashing, debris falling to the ground and trapping bystanders, of people jumping from windows. I remember learning that there were more attacks than just on the World Trade Center, but in Washington D.C. and Pennsylvania as well–all of this hitting too close to home. Hell, I even remember what I had for dinner that night (chicken nuggets, FYI).
But what I also remember, most importantly, is how the country came together after this tragedy. How such and outpouring of patriotism and support could come together so quickly and how such a devastating even could unify us, bring us closer together than ever.
Twelve years later, here I am, a senior at Cornell University, and this day still sends shivers down my spine. I can’t imagine what it was like to be involved in 9/11, whether as a survivor, someone who risked their life to help, or someone who just missed their train by 30 seconds that day and missed work. I have a friend who’s father was part of the rescue effort–he didn’t come home for weeks. It was also hard on families everywhere.
Before I go any further–words cannot even begin to describe how THANKFUL I am for those who constantly risk and give their lives so that we can remain free here in the USA. Home of the free because of the brave. Thank you to our armed forces for keeping this country safe.
I have actually just met my first 9/11 survivor–one of my landlords. He used to work in one of the towers and this topic somehow managed to come up in conversation a few weeks ago. He worked in one of the higher floors on the North Tower, and I was in awe as he recounted his tale of survival. Listening him to describe the confusion, then the fear, panic, the heat, escaping… I could not wrap my mind around it. I honestly don’t know if I could have responded with as much calm as he had. I’m amazed.
I chose the above quote from Senator John Kerry to emphasize what I had mentioned already–just how quickly the country became united as one. Before, we thought we were invincible, that no one could harm us on our soil. September 11th was a wake up call, loud and clear. Flags immediately hung from every house, everyone became friends because we had a common enemy. I think Kerry puts it best, “It was the worst day we have ever seen, but it brought out the best in all of us.”
Since that day, my love for this country has continued to grow. Call it conceited, call it arrogant or ignorant, call it whatever you want–but I love this country and I wouldn’t want to live anywhere else.
God Bless the USA. Never forget.