I’m sure you guys remember my rant a few months ago about some issues I was having at school. I needed to get a lot off my chest or else it would have all built up and things would have gotten worse.
Anyway, a few weeks ago, I sent an email to the roommate in question apologizing for my actions senior year and also mentioning that I think we both kind of screwed up. I told her that if she didn’t respond that I would completely understand. She never wrote back. I don’t know if it was because she didn’t want to or if it was because she never got the email (I sent it to her Cornell email and I don’t know if she still uses it). Either way, maybe it will be seen if I put it on my blog. If she doesn’t see it, that’s fine. I want you guys to see it too.
“Why did you bother?” I’m sure you guys are asking. “Things seemed pretty bad and irreparable.”
Why? Because as damaged as our friendship might be, I had to try. I don’t want to look back years from now wishing that I had reached out and at least apologized. I don’t want this to be one of my big regrets in life–at least I know that I reached out and at least attempted to fix something, even if it was something that couldn’t be fixed.
So, here goes nothing.
* * * * * * * * * *
Fall semester started it all and that I know I was rude, didn’t communicate well, and–let’s be honest–I was a pretty crappy friend in general. I’m sorry. That was a really bad time for me. I was being thrown into the middle of drama that didn’t involve me and I was losing friends left and right. I realize now that had I just talked to you about some things, it might have (and probably would have) played out differently. I wasn’t your best friend. I wasn’t even a good friend, period.
Things spiraled out of control and we both let the most trivial of things affect our friendship as the semester went on and winter break passed. I know that I’m not completely innocent in this whole situation, something that I’ve reflected on for a while now actually. I think we were both at fault and we let the situation get out of hand. For me, at least–I don’t know about you–I let things stew under the surface instead of talking about it. I think that if we had just communicated better, we could have nipped it in the bud and much of this could have been avoided.
It might be too late for an apology and for me to send you this, but I’ve been thinking about it for a long time. I wanted to get this all off my chest and I thought that you should know how I feel, even if is three months after graduation and nearly a year after everything started.
I hope that nothing I said in this email offended you–that was absolutely not my intention. I’m just trying to get down exactly how I feel and I might not have worded certain things well.
Hell, you might not even still use Cmail, but I figured I would give it a shot since it’s probably the best method to get in touch. If you don’t respond, I’ll understand. You should know that I’ve been thinking about everything that’s happened over the past year and that I am truly, deeply sorry. I’ve thought of everything I could have done in the past year to change the outcome and I’m wishing I had made a change, done something about it. Like I said, we were the best of friends and it got away from us.
I hope that everything is going well for you.
This post is a long time coming… I checked climbing to the top of the clocktower off 161 Things at the end of September. (And conveniently went on a blogging hiatus in the beginning of October. Coincidence?)
A few of my teammates and I had just got done with class and had a little bit of free time before any of us had anything else to do. We were walking across the Arts Quad toward the clocktower, none of us had climbed it yet, so we figured what the hell. Backpacks and all, we marched to the top.
I will say that the one mistake we did make was climbing to the top in the middle of a chimes concert. Having I Can Go the Distance from Disney’s Hercules blaring in my ears wasn’t necessarily the most pleasant thing. But let me tell you, the view was magnificent.
Despite the unseasonably hot weather we were having in Ithaca at the time and the sweat that was dripping down my back by the time we reached the top, the view was worth it. Definitely all it was cracked up to be. …it also helped that it was an absolutely gorges (Ha! Punny!) day in Ithaca.
I stood there in awe, looking at Cornell from a fresh new perspective. It was breathtaking–the bright blue of the sky contrasted with the blue of Cayuga Lake, the green of campus, all of the students… amazing. I’ll let you be the judge.
Looking at Sage Hall
I will definitely be visiting again before graduation this May.
Leggings–are they pants? This is a controversy that has plagued the Internet since I started college. If you had asked me this question while I was in high school, my answer would have been a solid no. Nope. No way José. Leggings were most certainly not pants… half the time girls don’t buy a good pair and they’re see through. No, honey, I don’t want to see your hot pink thong stuck in your butt crack. No thank you.
Guys, I’m sure, would beg to differ with this opinion. Leggings seem to fall into the category with yoga pants that guys love so much. Basically make you look like you have a nice ass even if you don’t really have a nice ass–or an ass at all for that matter. It’s like magic!
Let’s just say that my opinion has changed drastically. I love leggings. I own so many pairs. They’re my favorite! They’re cute, they tuck well into boots (a problem I have faced in the past) and, most importantly, THEY’RE COMFORTABLE. Comfort is key, my friends, especially when I’m spending hours upon hours in the library. I have gone over an entire month without wearing jeans. I’m not lying. I might have a problem. But the first step is admitting it, right?
Like the “stereotypical white girl” that memes, Buzzfeed lists, and ThoughtCatalog posts endlessly make fun of, I wear leggings, boots, sweaters, and scarves on a regular basis. This is probably (read: hopefully) the only criteria I fit with regard to this stereotype. You won’t find me spending obscene amounts of money on $6 drinks from Starbucks nor will you see me sporting a huge Michael Kors watch on my left wrist or ruining my pair of nonexistent UGGs by walking around in the Ithaca snow.
The Internet has this one wrong, that’s for sure–leggings most certainly ARE pants. Leggings FTW.
And so the overheard posts continue. This week is pretty good if you ask me. Lot’s of randomness and just odd thoughts. I don’t quite understand how people’s brains work sometimes. But that’s what makes these posts so great.
“My thongs is doing that thing where it hurts my butt.”
“You have the sexiest chin in college sports.” This was actually said to me one night. I’m not necessarily sure how to interpret this. Compliment or no?
“It’s like a land gondola.”
“I wish I had a lacy offering for you.”
“This is the prettiest oven mitt I’ve ever seen. Isn’t it just beautiful?”
“Wanna know how many gremlins (referring to girls) I hooked up with this year?” This is one of the most messed up things I’ve heard.
“All of our balls are odd.”
“Is that the one you bought from the homeless man outside the Eagles game?”
“He wasn’t homeless, he was just a nice young crackhead.”
“Is the pizza place awake right now?”
“My children are going to bow down to the queen.”
In keeping with my promise to update my blog more, I’ve decided to do a series on all of the things and lessons that I have learned since getting to college. I don’t know if it’s because I only have on semester left on the Hill and I’m getting a bit nostalgic or because I have reached (more like skidded to with a screeching halt) these conclusions very recently. Some of these will be funny, some will be serious… either way, I want to compile a list of all of the little tidbits of information I have collected over the course of my time at Cornell.
This is a lesson I have most certainly learned this past semester–you’re not meant to stay friends with everyone who crosses your path. It just won’t happen. No matter how bad you want to stay friends with said person, it is just not meant to be. This could be because of drama, because you grow apart, because of boys, or you each have different interests than you had originally. These things happen. And you know what? Sometimes I don’t care. Sometimes it’s good to remove these people from your life. Sometimes I have absolutely no desire to pursue the friendship any further. That sometimes for me is right now.
Unfortunately, I did lose some best friends this year, particularly at the hands of drama. Somehow I managed to avoid drama my ENTIRE COLLEGE CAREER until this semester when it all caught up to me and managed to makeup for lost time (my luck, right?). I think that says enough in terms of my avoiding drama–I always try to stay out of it, not taking sides, listening to everyone. I realize I may be going directly against what I just said by writing this post, but whatever. Another thing I’ve learned in connecting with this little lesson? Girls are bitches. And catty and malicious and mean.
Seriously though, girls are the worst. They’re passive aggressive–no confrontation at all (not to say that I’m not guilty of avoiding confrontation at times). Yes, leaving post-it notes is a much more appropriate route, really. Very cute. Another super cute thing that girls do? Lie. Spread rumors. RUIN FRIENDSHIPS. Yup, I said it. Lies told about me almost ruined one of my closest friendships. Thank god I was able to mend that one after explaining WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED and that no, I did not know that so-and-so who was “together” with so-and-so but slept with so-and-so, BECAUSE I WAS NOT PHYSICALLY THERE WHEN IT HAPPENED. Like not even in the state of New York. So there was no way that I would know. But apparently I’m too self-centered to pay attention to what’s going with my friends. Right. But I digress.
Judging by my little rant, I’m sure you have an idea of what I’ve been going through and just how DUMB the high level drama is. Like seriously. I thought I outgrew this shit. Ugh but post it notes really get my goat (did I actually just use that expression?). AHKDOAIJFKLDJFLKAJDF. Literally. I don’t know how else to express my anger towards this.
I’m going to stop here before I get any angrier. There will be more on this later. Probably after this semester when I can go into much more detail. Ohhhh the anticipation! I know it’s killing you.
If I had to close this article with a piece of advice, it would most certainly be this: don’t live with your “best friend.” It won’t work. I learned the hard way.
I’m sitting at the kitchen table with my mom, fawning over Juan Pablo on The Bachelor, when she aptly reminded me that I haven’t posted an overheard post in quite some time! That and I had promised a little over a week ago that I would get better at posting. Oops. Good thing I had some quotes ready for today though. PS, for anyone who wants to know, I’d love Juan Pablo as my 22nd birthday present… please and thank you.
“I hope my green beans make you happy”
“Just because you touch his dick, doesn’t mean you’re married for the rest of your life.”
“Wanna take a shot out of my boobs?”
“Like you’re birthing a child with your heel.”
“Why are there bananas on the floor?”
“That’s not my ID… that’s a Buffalo Wild Wings gift card.”
“Wait those gloves are so great because yo have full access to all your digits.”
“What is it with guys and arts and crafts for their dick?”
“I’m about to have an inmate moment with my salad.”
Hi guys. It has been exactly 80 days since my last post. And I’m sorry.
I meant to post, I really did! Things just got really tough with drama (see this post) and school and such. And THEN I had finals, so I figured… after finals right? Right?? Well finals week has been done for about a week and a half now and I am only just now gaining the mental strength to start writing again. The only way I can explain it is that I guess my brain needed some downtime. This semester blew. (Despite the terrible semester, I did managed to check a few items off my bucket list and 161 things! Yay!)
Endless exams rained down on me and I never thought I would be able to ride out the storm. But I did! Now I only have one semester left of college. One. Semester. WHAT. I’m not okay with this. On the bright side, I’ll be able to get away from all of the drama–the drama that was so elusive my first three years as an undergrad but managed to sink its talons deep into my flesh this semester, making up for all of the missed three years in the process. Again, another story for another time.
With 2014 right around the corner, though, I’d like to think that I kept my New Year’s resolution pretty well. I wanted to write more, and I did. Seventy three posts before this one, actually. I’m impressed with myself. Here’s to 73 more next year!
Anyway, I hope that everyone had a wonderful and safe holiday! There will be many more posts to come!
Devastating! What a travesty! I’m sure that you’ve noticed that there was NOT an Overheard on the Hill post yesterday. But you probably thought, “Oh, she’ll just post it tomorrow!” Unfortunately, there will not be an Overheard this week. :(
It has to do with a lot of factors. One being that this week garnered a measly five quotes. FIVE. My friends are usually good for at least 10 in a week. In their defense, it is prelim season so we’ve all been holed up in libraries deprived of sunlight to study. Yeah… that’s not fun.
The other reason is that shit hit the fan that was my life. Starting Friday at midnight, for a solid 36+ hours, I was accused of lying, betrayed, became injured and just all-around had what was probably one of the worst few days of my life. Trust me, there will be more on this later. Most likely an angry rant to vent my frustrations on drama that I should have left behind in high school ages ago. But sometimes that’s what you’ve gotta do, ya know? I’ll sum it up in one word–girls.
Here’s hoping that next Monday will have a plethora of new quotes! As well as a better week in store for me.