Overheard on the Hill: Homecoming Edition

I haven’t done one of these in a while, but I also haven’t written in a while either so I don’t even care that I’m not posting this on a Monday. Naturally, I came home from Cornell with quite the handful of quotes from my friends. I wouldn’t expect anything less.

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“The little Indian boy was my spirit animal.”

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“It’s like a giant ball of cancer.”

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If only the weather had been this nice last weekend...

If only the weather had been this nice last weekend…

“I was scared of croutons my entire life.”

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“I have to pee so badly I definitely cannot give birth now.”

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“Stop farting on me!”

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“I accidentally took my shoes off.”

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“I just stopped and puked and kept going.”

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“I always scare her with my stinky farts.”

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“I’m sweaty and I can feel the fart cloud around me.”

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“What if farts were a color?!”

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“It’s like poop, but sandy. Sandy poop!”

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“Why did you drink her weed??”

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Clearly, my teammates/friends have some issues and obsession with bowel movements. But that’s why I love them and miss them so much! I can’t wait til next year!

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Home Sweet Homecoming

So I know that after my last post I said I would be back for good, but things got a little crazy. I apologize!

This time, though, I AM back. You might not believe me and if you don’t, then you don’t–but I’ll prove you wrong. This post is dedicated to last weekend. The best weekend I’ve had in a while.

Because I’ve ben so MIA with writing and posting this blog, you guys probably don’t know that I graduated! That’s right, on May 25, 2014, I officially graduated from Cornell University! The amount of tears that I shed is unreal because I really do consider Ithaca to be a second home, but all good things must come to an end, right?

One of the best parts about graduating, though, is that you get to go back for HOMECOMING. One weekend in the fall where you get incredibly drunk and relive your college years (not that I haven’t occasionally done that anyway) and it is 100% acceptable to do so. Let’s just say this weekend didn’t disappoint.

Besides the copious amounts of alcohol I consumed and the ridiculous hangovers I had (I can’t drink like I used to. But I’m also not drinking 5 out of 7 days a week anymore so there’s that), I got to spend time with my best friends. I haven’t seen some of these people in months and it was so much fun to reminisce and laugh and enjoy each others’ company. I missed my friends, I missed my teammates, I missed everything about Ithaca.

This brings me to the FOOD. Oh my god the food. I got to eat at my favorite locations and it was magnificent. Never have I been so happy to eat a burger in my entire life (and I get pretty damn happy when I get to eat a burger). This thing had pulled pork AND an onion ring on top while slathered in cheese and BBQ sauce. Holy. Crap. P.S. guys, if you’re every in or around Ithaca, go to the Ithaca Alehouse. It’s amazing. My favorite restaurant. You won’t be disappointed, I promise.

Some of the other things I did? Well, I watched our football team lose (no surprise there), I got emotionally invested in season 4 of Grey’s Anatomy and now I have to watch the series on Netflix thanks to my teammates, and I frolicked across Cornell’s campus. I also went to the famous Dairy Bar–Cornell’s very own dairy where you can buy the most delicious ice cream you’ve ever tasted. I’m serious. This shit can only be sold on Cornell’s campus because it isn’t FDA approved. Why? Because the fat content is so high. But that’s also why it’s so delicious! The weather was a bit damp and chilly, but Ithaca must have known we were coming back and wanted us to feel welcome because, ya know, there are only about 9 nice days there all year.

I didn’t want to leave my friends or my second home, but come Sunday night, I knew it was time. I was upset and yes, I cried in my car on the drive back to Philadelphia. But ya know what? My four years are up and I wouldn’t trade them for anything in the world, but everything must end.

Plus it helps that Cornell is only four hours away and I can visit any time I please. :)

 

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Overheard on the Hill: Salad Intimacy and The Bachelor

I’m sitting at the kitchen table with my mom, fawning over Juan Pablo on The Bachelor, when she aptly reminded me that I haven’t posted an overheard post in quite some time! That and I had promised a little over a week ago that I would get better at posting. Oops. Good thing I had some quotes ready for today though. PS, for anyone who wants to know, I’d love Juan Pablo as my 22nd birthday present… please and thank you.

Yummmmmm

Yummmmmm

“I hope my green beans make you happy”

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“Just because you touch his dick, doesn’t mean you’re married for the rest of your life.”

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“Wanna take a shot out of my boobs?”

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“Like you’re birthing a child with your heel.”

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“Why are there bananas on the floor?”

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“That’s not my ID… that’s a Buffalo Wild Wings gift card.”

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“Wait those gloves are so great because yo have full access to all your digits.”

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“What is it with guys and arts and crafts for their dick?”

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“I’m about to have an inmate moment with my salad.”


Overheard on the Hill: Ke$ha and… just Ke$ha

My Overheard post is coming to you on Tuesday because… Ke$ha. Ke$ha came to Cornell and performed on Sunday, and let’s just say that the concert did me dirty. Yesterday was an all around struggle to get to campus. To walk. To breathe. To live. But was it worth it? Helllll yes. I had so much fun. Except now it’s two days later and I’m still finding glitter on me…

kesha

“I was watching TV with my landlady’s 16 year old daughter…”

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“They were canoodling in Wegman’s.”

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“My brain hurts.”

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“I just got elbowed in the dome.”

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“I’m roofie-ing you with popcorn.”

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“I want to shove my nostrils through my eyes and puke them out of my lungs.”

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“He’s a freshman. He’s a loser.”

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“You smell pukey.”

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“You’re gonna instagram the shit outta this.”

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“Cows be cray.”

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“It looks like flowers and dirt.”

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“It’s like negative butt.”

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“I accepted all of your kisses.”

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“I have amazing nipples.”

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“If you were a superhero, I’d call you Catwoman. Hssssss.”

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“You don’t fight in a toga.”

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“After you, Mr. Tinted Windows.”

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“She would talk to a brick wall.”

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“Cheers to salsa.”

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“I can feel the alcohol sloshing around in my stomach.”

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“I might look like a hooker but I like it.”

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“Look, I’m making a Ke$ha angel.”

 


Everyday decisions are TOUGH.

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This. Just… this. I don’t think I could have put it better myself. I know I’ve been posting a lot of links lately, but I couldn’t NOT post this one. It perfectly describes my life–or college at least. I’ll just let you see for yourself.

27 Everyday Decisions That Twentysomethings Are Really Bad At Making.


Overheard on the Hill: Homecoming Edition

Homecoming this past weekend brought hoards of alumni back to the hill, as well as missed friends, teammates, and an atmosphere of school spirit (when does THAT ever happen at Cornell? JK it still didn’t this year. We’re terrible students). It also brought a torrential downpour during the homecoming game against Bucknell.  Despite the weather, we still won!  1-0! Let’s see if the Big Red can get a winning season for once… Wow, I’m being harsh. Oh well. Enjoy all the quotes from my crazy ex-teammates as well as the ones I see every day. You won’t be disappointed.

baby hand soap Ultra Creepy Baby Hand Soap

This is one of the first results when I Google search “creepy soap.” Umm….

“Where’s my creepy soap?

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“What’s the point of being a nerd if you can’t tell the world about it?”

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About hockey, “It’s a communist sport. I can’t take it.”

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“He just got nailed in the balls by Jesus.”

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“Slow it down, cotton ball!”

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“Yeah, my nipples have been really hard lately.”

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“Keep taking shots until it’s less awkward.”

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“If you show up on time and you’re a rapper, you’re doing it wrong.”

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“You can’t do it until the beat drops.”

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“Luckily I found my way to you motherfuckers.”

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“It’s like Niagara Falls down my cleavage.”

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“There will be tears coming out of my face.”

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“Hop off my weenis.”

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“Is it infringing on your butt?”

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“I may have just let in a predator.”


Overheard on the Hill: Thick Meat and Buttery Nipples

Finally! A post that’s on time! Woah. Stepping up my game. Especially now that classes are in full swing–instead of paying attention in class I’ll be writing more blog posts! Yay! (Kind of like I’m doing right now)

“Ugh, I hate when my meat is thick.”

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“There was point in time when I didn’t believe in Dover, Delaware.”

Are you sure? Because it's right there.

Are you sure? Because it’s right there.

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“Sometimes I think I’m allergic to beer.”

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“I got a Jewish high holiday inside me so I’m good.”

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“Remember that time he thought it was an earthquake but it was just me?”

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“I’m offended that you’re offended.”

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“You just ball-tapped me!”

“It was a free vasectomy, take it.”

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“His balls are recovering.”

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“My nipples are so buttery.”

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“I don’t wanna know about your bowel movements.”

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“It must e hard to buy watches if you’re obese.”

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“The key to a successful life is vitamins and positivity.”

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“I don’t get Jews.”

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“I can’t tell if my stomach gurgled or my phone went off.”

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“We went to the white trash party alone.”

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“There’s too many ratchets here.”


Overheard on the Hill: Labor Day and Doppelgangers

Yet again, I am posting late because Labor Day weekend proved to be rough. Between starting practice, trying to get enough sleep, and still trying to go out, things got a little hectic. From lots of sweat to eyeballs to doppelgangers (fun fact–apparently mine is Christina Appelgate… I was told that this week), the first week of classes sure did prove to be interesting.

“For every person in Iowa there’s a doppelganger in Idaho who loves potatoes instead of corn.”

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“My hair gel is in my eyeballs right now.”

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“There is rain dripping down my buttcrack.”

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“You can’t tell me that’s a service bird.”

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“I feel so full of chlorophyll.”

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“Isn’t chlorophyll, like, sun?”

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Well that looks painful.

Well that looks painful.

“Bellybuttons are my worst fear.”

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“I would rather slide naked down a cactus. Just give me a saguaro and watch me go.”

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“You’re sweating from your eyeballs.”

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“My asshole is sweaty and I don’t like it.”

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“Tequila happens sometimes.”

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“My insides feel warm.”

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“You’re hitting arteries!!”

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“You keep the balls in your hand and then you put them where you want them.”


Overheard on the Hill: Moby Dick and Smoking Bugs

Phew, made it just in time! Unfortunately, there aren’t as many quotes this week as there usually are, but there are still some damn good ones. And I know, I know, I promised more posts last week, but I got too caught up in that bumming it lifestyle at home that all I did was sleep. Oops.

“I’m gonna kick you right in the pouch.”

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“I’m walking like this so I dry off.”

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“Sweaty ass vag syndrome.”

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Tired Fireball for the first time this weekend... nom nom nom.

Tired Fireball for the first time this weekend… nom nom nom.

“The speed limit is H now. Are you going H?”

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“Man, I been shakin’ and bakin’ since I Moby Dick was a minnow.”

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Before dating his girlfriend, “Before that they flocked. I had to beat them with a stick.”

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“Aw I just sat on myself.”

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“I might have to go in there and get a beer.”

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“It’s called Dark Hollow Road? If I were a ghost I’d hang out there!”

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“Quit trying to smoke the bugs!”

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“Remember they’re laughing at you, not with you.”

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Drunk woman at the bar, “Try bending over and getting fucked in the ass and smiling the whole time. That’s my life.”


Overheard on the Hill: Alabama Slammers and Amanda Bynes

Wow guys, I’m so so sorry. I completely forgot to do an overheard post yesterday for some unknown reason. I just forgot. Poof. Nothing in my mind. I’ll make up for it though with tons of good posts this week! Enjoy!

“They’re gonna track ya. They know!”

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“You found a dollar in chapstick.”

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“Don’t choose the high socks.”

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“Living is expensive.”

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Alabama-Slammer“They call them Alabama Slammers for a reason. They slam you. They slam you!!!”

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“I did my hair for this shit, I better get some!”

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“All about the cancer. Gotta spread the love.”

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“Strengthening the human race. One genetic mutation at a time.”

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“I hate people with belly buttons.”

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“Let’s cheers with our pizza.”

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“I will cut your titties off.”

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“You’ll be happy to know he has a small dick.”

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“THERE ARE GHOSTS IN SUBWAY.”

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“Ouch-kabibble.”

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“I’m too black for this.”

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“I was too absorbed in Sports Center.”

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“If you’ve got a square jaw and thick eyebrows, gimme dat.”

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“Put that sucker to rest.”

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“Can’t burn the brain bucket!”

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“I’m all about backyards.”

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“She didn’t even know what the right side of third base was.”

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“It’s like a yo-yo without any string.”

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“Touch me with your feet and I will cut off every appendage you have.”

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“I’m gonna punch you in the dick.”

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“Don’t get angry, get even.”

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“Jackin’ off cause he was mad at it.”

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“Dude I really like her, I haven’t cheated on her yet.”

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About Amanda Bynes, “She’s going through a Lindsay Lohan phase with a splash of Britney Spears.”

Poor Amanda. Come back to us!

Poor Amanda. Come back to us!