Overheard on the Hill: Fourth of July Edition

I’m not quite sure what it is, but Independence Day must bring out the best–or weird–in people. The quotes range from patriotism to I don’t even know what. Instead of trying to explain further, I’ll let you just read them for yourself.

“As I used to say in college, ‘still works!”

***

“Apparently they’re like the rednecks of China.”

***

“We’ve always got food to fall back on.”

***

“If you don’t have sex on the Fourth of July it’s unpatriotic.”

***

“It’s a space tiger!”

***

“We didn’t sleep in Canada.”

***

“Suck it up for America.”

***

About texting a lot of girls one night, “You gotta cast a wide net if you want to catch a lot of fish.”

***

“A forest grew on my face overnight.”

***

On the Fourth when the American Flag fell down, “FREEDOM DOWN!”

***

“They just re-did the roof, right? Made it sex proof?”

***

“America made me push through my hangover.”

***

“Preferably when you’re snoring on his penis.”

***

“I don’t want to get arrested for the second time today…”

***

“America just said ‘fuck you’ okay?”

***

“Consuming calories for America.”

***

“There was legit an insect in my bra and it bit my tit.”

***

“I want to sparkle now.”

***

“It’s like America slapped you across the face.”

***

“He was fucking himself in the mirror.”

***

“You know what would be good right now? Corndog, air conditioning, sex. In that order.”

***

“I heard he has a small penis so I’ll let him motorboat me if he wants.”

***

“I’m so drunk but so alert.”

***

“I’m floating on a cloud.”

***

“Townies scare me.”

***

“Hey I’m black, I know my people.”

***

“I have a broken jukebox in my throat and it only comes out when I’m drunk.”

***
“She’s an interesting specimen. I want to study her.”

***

“Sunscreen is for non-Mexicans.”

***

“It’s like a penis except you have to bite it.”

***

“I swear on my nutsack!”

***

“It smells like pee-throw up-ass monkey.”

***

“At home my laziness gets in the way of me smoking cigarettes.”

***

“It sounds like electric sex.”

***

“It’s the diaphragm, that’s your problem!”

***

“Toilet paper, fuck yeah!”

***

“He’s Can-Asian. A Canadian Asian.”

***

“Maybe if you’d brush your hair, boys would like you.”

***

“You know what I find hard to believe? That pickles are cucumbers.”

***

“Imagine how much drama there would be in a 100% gay fraternity…”

***

You go girl!

You go girl!

“I just love potato products.”

***

“I’m going to Little Mermaid the shit out of this rock.”

***

“But the spoons make it violent!”

***

“There should be less fireworks and more giant flame balls in the sky.”

***

Welp… it certainly was an interesting week.

Advertisements

2 Comments on “Overheard on the Hill: Fourth of July Edition”

  1. I can’t even imagine how much drama there would be in a 100% gay fraternity. Wow.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s