Overheard: Spring Break Edition

After a brief hiatus, I bring you the best quotes from Spring Break ’13. The past week certainly was an interesting one, as you’ll see soon. I don’t think I’ve ever laughed harder. Just a warning: prepare yourself for outrageousness.

“I always look sexual.”

***

“On a scale of 1 to drunk, how drunk are they right now?”

“Drunk to the nth power, where n is greater than or equal to 23.”

***

“Ohhhh the bus is gonna get a haircut!”

***

On the airplane, “I need to close the window, the light is assaulting my face.”

***

About flying, “It’s safer than stairs. It’s safer than dogs and toilets.”

***

My uncle at dinner, “That was outstanding.”

My 4-year-old cousin looks right at me and says, “He says that all the time.”

Thanks Spider-Man! I knew I could count on you!

Thanks Spider-Man! I knew I could count on you!

***

My cousin on the team we had just lost to, “If I was Spider-Man I would take that red team, pick them up and throw them down til they’re dead!”

***

Me, “Dakota, how old do you think I am?”

Dakota, “Sixteen!”

“No, a little older.”

“Seventeen?”

“Nope, older.”

“Seventy hundred?”

“Not that old!”

“Sixty six?”

“Jeez Dakota! I’m 20!”

“Oh. That’s old.”

***

“We’re all on the same boat and it’s sinking.”

***

“Ohhhh that is juicy.”

***

“She showed me her curveball grip and I was like OH YEAH.”

***

“I should air out my soul. It’s black and moldy.”

***

“I was meant to be a small Chinese child. It’s true.”

***

“I was just petting your eyebrows.”

***

“If you got stung by a jellyfish, who would you pick to pee on you?”

***

“She specializes in starch…”

***

“My hair defies gravity.”

***

“Fun sucker. What’d you have for lunch? Fun?”

***

“You know there’s nothing in the bible about not eating meat on Fridays? They didn’t have meat back then. Just fishes and loaves.”

***

“I can’t believe they’re selling beer at a college softball game.”

“It’s okay, that’s what Jesus would want.”

***

“You can’t just take pictures of random babies!”

Hmm, never thought of it that way.

Hmm, never thought of it that way.

***

“Raptors are so mean because they can’t jerk off.”

***

“Who’s got my arms??”

***

“Tequila. That got me married.”

***

“I wanna take the wind out of their kite. Then snip the string and trounce on them.”

***

“I just freaked out about the mole on my arm but don’t worry guys, it’s not cancerous. It’s just chocolate from my milkshake.”

***

“Your hand has a four-foot radius.”

***

“Sometimes dumb people are funny and sometimes I wanna kick them in the teeth.”

***

“There’s no cure for the common birthday.”

***

“There’s some imbalance in your brain that you should address.”

***

“No traveling in beer pong.”

***

“I hope you don’t have your good panties on case they’re about to drop.”

***

“Straight isn’t straight anymore. Too much rum.”

***

“This is so cool. But I’m so scared.”

***

“My nipples are so sensitive right now.”

***

“PS my nipple is still there.”

***

“Get out of my asshole.”

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