Yes, I’m deleting you on your birthday

I have too many Facebook friends. Most of whom I have never actually met in person.

Recently, I’ve gone on a spree deleting over 200 friends because either:

1. I haven’t actually spoken to you in over a year.

2. You are just someone I know from high school–however if I only know them from high school and they have a lot of drama in their life, I enjoy watching their status updates, even though THEY are the people I should definitely be eliminating from my friends list.

3. I don’t even know who you are. Or why we’re Facebook friends for that matter.

Inevitably, there are some people that I missed while going on this deleting rampage. The only way I see fit to fix this problem is to delete people when they show up on in the little corner of my Facebook news feed–on their birthdays.

I almost feel bad for doing it. Like, “Hey, it’s your birthday. I should reach out and congratulate you for getting another year older (Though, let’s be honest, if you’re not turning 21, a) your birthday sucks and b) you are of no use to me)” But nope. That thought is fleeting. I feel zero remorse as a move my finger across the trackpad of my MacBook Pro to click on their name. Within seconds I’m on their profile with my mouse hovering over the “Friends” icon until the drop down box appears and I move over to “Unfriend.” I look over to their profile picture and it almost says to me, “Don’t do it, don’t do it!” But with one fell swoop, I click my finger on the mouse pad and it’s done. Over. The person who wasn’t really in my life to begin with is now gone. Finally.

I honestly don’t even know how I GOT so many friends. Part of the reason I have so many is from my sorority–when I accepted my bid i got over 200 friend requests from the sisters already initiated in under two days. Now, with each new pledge class, I must add 60 girls–most of whom I have not met, even during rush. But I’m glad they are my “Facebook” friends. Even if i don’t know some of them because our sisterhood is so big, they’re still my sisters after all!

The other reason I think I have so many friends is because in high school, I was sadly mistaken and thought that having a lot of friends made me “cool” or something. Now I’ve grown up quite a bit and I’m so over being part of the “in” or “cool” crowd, but that’s besides the point. As a result, I added a ton of people as friends who I didn’t really know, let alone talk to. I was so lame (LOL I’m still lame).

So instead of receiving warm birthday wishes from me when your special day arrives, you better watch out instead. You might be losing a virtual friend that day.

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