Netflix is the DevilPosted: January 3, 2013
Let’s be clear–I don’t actually have a Netflix account. I don’t pay eight dollars a month for unlimited streaming of television shows and movies online… my friends do. And I use their accounts.
The friends who let me use their account information that their parents so kindly pay for are by far my favorite people on the planet. Okay, that’s a bit of an exaggeration, but it’s pretty damn close.
My love for their Netflix accounts is probably equivalent to that of history’s greatest love stories–Romeo and Juliet, Tristan and Isolde, blah blah blah. I almost love Netflix more than I love my dog, Maya. And that’s saying something.
But I hate Netflix, too. I hate it with the fiery passion of 1 million burning suns. It sucks you in. I find a TV show I haven’t watched yet. I get excited. I WATCH EVERY EPISODE OF SAID TELEVISION SHOW UNTIL I HAVE COMPLETED ALL OF THE SEASONS. This usually occurs anywhere from a matter of days to a few weeks, depending on how many seasons there are. It kills me. EVERY. TIME.
Let’s take How I Met Your Mother, for instance. I’ve never really watched the show before, just a few episodes here and there. I thought it was funny, but I never really got into it. Now flash forward to approximately November 10th, 2012. I’ve already had my friends Netflix account information for at least a month, but I tried not to abuse the privilege. I decide, in my infinite wisdom, that maybe I’ll start watching it because I don’t have a ton of schoolwork for a week or two. I won’t get obsessed, right? Right?? WRONG. I have never been more wrong. I was sucked into the never ending vortex that is Teddy Westside, Marshmallow, and Lilly Pad.
Netflix ended my life as I knew it for the next few weeks.
I kept saying, “Oh, just one more episode and then I’ll do my homework. They’re only 20 minutes long after all!” But then one episode turned into 9 and I found myself sitting on the couch in my apartment for hours on end. I had become the epitome of a couch potato–getting up only to use the bathroom and eat. Occaaaaasionally I would get up for class.
Once I finally finished How I Met Your Mother–after what seemed to be forever–I resolved to not touch the Netflix account until winter break. I had finals after all! I couldn’t afford to be distracted by TV and movies galore! I actually stuck with it, too.
Once finals ended, I fell back into my old ways. I watched every episode of Revenge in about two days (THAT is a fantastic show, by the way). Doctor Who and Breaking Bad have become my new obsessions. I think that it is entirely possible that Netflix is the spawn of Satan himself.